The Astral Pilgrim

Well, I said a while back that I felt changes in the wind and I guess I should not be surprised at today being a bit of a crazy day for me (please pardon the pun you will later get).

The equinox has always been a fascinating time for me – a time when things seem odd, a space beyond space in which the worlds seem to go into an element of flux. I should mention here and now that my opinions of the equinox differ quite a lot from the “accepted norm” of pagan mainstream. Many say it is a time of balance, a time of reflection at the coming changes and a time of peace. My response?

Bollocks

Whether you want to look at the equinox mythologically (the oak and holly king or Llew and Goronwy) or whether you want to keep it simple and look at it from a more scientific standpoint one thing is abundantly clear – this is not a time of balance and peace so my advise would be to throw that pseudo-Wiccan bullshit down the pan right now. The bloody sky is at war for crying out loud! The dark and light have been in a continuing state of change for the last 3 months and this is not a culminating time of peace but the damn spearhead, the front line. Mythologically the oak king has been defeated by the holly king, the evergreen has shown its ability to outlast the deciduous and reign into the winter. Celestially the sun is losing its control of this particular part of the earth and the dark, who is ever present, and now assuming dominance of the skies. That sound like a time of peace to you? And if that does not convince you perhaps look at this way

You find me one good example in your real life where this time of year has brought a peaceful balanced experience that you haven’t had to convince yourself of achieving? Have a good long hard think.

For me personally this equinox has been a bloody interesting one. As of 10:18pm tonight I declared myself vegetarian and so a huge change in lifestyle now lies before me which I embrace wholeheartedly – I am looking forward to the changes and challenges ahead. That was my expected experience, the one I had planned for. What I hadn’t expected was the outcomes of my psychiatry appointment today. For some time the department has given me the diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder and I have lived with that, non medicated and dealing with it myself for some years now. Having gone back to the drawing board though, and re-analysed my brain scans etc etc they have now said they were wrong in my diagnosis and have changed to full blown acute schizophrenia. The difference? A bloody lot actually but mostly in how things are now treated. My medication is bordering on enforced (blood checks), my appointments increased and my social stigma level bumped up to 10 out of 10.

I guess that I am not really surprised at the change but I am concerned at the potential implications long term. Already various future employment options are forever closed to me and of course I worry about the affect this may have on our plans to move to Canada but all in all I worry about those around me. Most friends who know of my condition are quite open minded and understanding of my differences, some even embrace the fact I think differently (there is a movement known as anti-psychiatry that aims to educate people into an awareness that just because we think differently doesn’t make us, just makes you scared of difference), yet that have been some friends who are nothing short of scared of me and have treated me quite differently ever since they found out about me. Sometimes it is me and the unknown, sometimes it is the fact they know that if they are sat in a room with just me, to me its not just me and them but a few others for good measure. Is this my problem – it shouldn’t be but sometimes it is hard not to shoulder some responsibility. It makes me feel awkward to think that I make others feel awkward, and although I don’t do a very good job of putting across compassion to people believe me it is there.

The point of this statement is that if you are indeed one of those who cannot / does not want to “deal” with who I am then please do not feel awkward in walking away, and as for the rest of you – hi )

So, the summer holidays have come to an end, this week most children here in the UK will be heading back to school and for us here our daughter will be having her first experience of high school. For her a daunting and worrying time and for us much the same, yet all with that little hint of excitement at something new.

That said, secondary school here in the UK has always had a strict code of conduct in regards to uniform and various other factors and it has become quite clear that quite a high degree of control is placed upon the children, so much so that it seems to have gotten a little carried away. What schools are not realising is that they are strictly enforcing practices which are both sexist and discriminatory on a personal and gender based level.

Some examples of this are ones that I myself had to cope with when I was at high school. Boys are not allowed to have long hair (if it gets past the chin they demand it is cut) and boys are not allowed to wear ear rings under any circumstances yet for girls both of these are allowed, but with conditions. Girls can wear ear rings but only one in each ear and hair must be in a “simple and suitable style” leaving the specifics out to allow themselves more scope of control. The school even insists on the colour underwear that must be worn whilst at school, specifically for during gym sessions…..I would be interested to discover just ow they plan to check and enforce that one – lawyers at the ready!

Clearly though what is made evident to the pupils is differentiation. One rule for boys and one rule for girls, separate conditions for separate genders. Is this really how we should be influencing those who are so easily influenced? Of course it is, that is if you want them to grow in healthy members of a controlling social system that has inequality of pay and different treatment for men and women from the workplace all the way to the courtroom and back again. Another thing to ponder is this – in the UK, as a woman are you ever in your life going to wear a full suit with shirt and tie? The chances of anyone saying yes are very very slim, yet we insist that all school girls dress up like boys with full suit shirt and tie….erm….am I missing something there….hmmm

What starts as can or cant wear ear rings over time develops into an underlying acceptance of various other segregated levels of control. Why has unequal pay persisted for so long, and is still to this day not contested enough to actual cause much change? Because we are socialised to accept it.

What I like about this topic is that it is one that you can actively start to try and change – how do I plan on going about that. My name is down for the parent/teacher association and I plan on running for school governor as soon as elections open. I did the same at my daughters primary school and played an integral part in exposing and helping stamp out an disturbing and often overlooked problem – racism against white people (and yes for those who get their back up at this issue, it bloody happens and ignored because it is almost ASSUMED that white people will NOT be on the receiving end of racism which is flat out rubbish). Yes that was me shouting a bit there but that issue has affected my family quite a lot over the last 5 years at my daughters school.

So, if you have children at secondary school, take a close look at the “school rules” and have a think about just what kind of example they might be setting for your children – do you really want them to grow up repeating the same mistakes we are all making right now?

For some time now my antiquated mobile phone has been in it’s death throes, wailing some horrific sound at me that used to be deemed a ring tone, although I question the use of the word tone in there – a tone deaf singer would sound better. I had been brushing off replacing the phone as I was feeling almost liberated in not having a functional phone – when I’m out, I’m out, unavailable, busy with something else.

That is until one of your children gets sick and you don’t find out till much later. That kind of did it for me so off ‘a phone hunting I went. It was immediately apparent that I could not afford to buy one of these new handsets whose prices now reach in excess of a few hundred pounds so my only option was a contract that would bundle the phone in – and good news for me was nearly every contract comes with a phone – bigger the contract better the phone – fair enough.

Then it becomes apparent that without either a driving license or a passport I do not “exist” enough to be sufficiently verified and eligible for a contract. After attempting applications at a few companies I was beginning to bang my head against a wall but one company accepted my application on the basis that I deposited a refundable bond.

What gets me is this sense of verification. I have a bank account, I have a home, I have an income, I have a family, I have a variety of insurances and yet seemingly unable to prove who I am. Who governs what level of identification is deemed as adequate? How was it determined? It just makes you wonder. Who decides if we exist within our society?